We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
