tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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