her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
