My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
