remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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