Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
