Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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