I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
