the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
