I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
