when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There are leaves in my underwear?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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