i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
