i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
