i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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