I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
