Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize