I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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