Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
