I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i will never coherently bang her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
