Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I party with great urgency now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize