I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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