You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
