so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
