plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
