I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
