so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
