i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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