so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
