apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
