but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize