I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
