i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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