omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
