His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
