alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
