Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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