Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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