If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
