we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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