We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
