drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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