Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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