I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
