there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
