Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize