my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
