I just saw a hot homeless man
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
