i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
