did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
