how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
