hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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