i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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