i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
