Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
