you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
