Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
