Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
