He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
