I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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