talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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