My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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