I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
