i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
