What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
