i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
