Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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