Someone shit on the floor
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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