i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
