Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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