I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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