the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize