She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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