I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wear drunk well.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
