i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We have started to decorate penises.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
