I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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