god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize