I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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