I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
