She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
