i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
