i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
