dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize