I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
