Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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