who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
