Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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