So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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