when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She needs sedatives and a leash
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
