They should really pass out barf bags in church
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Randomize
