She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
