$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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