You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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