EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
