shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize