Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
