I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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