So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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