I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
