I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
