He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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