Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
