hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
