I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
