Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Success! We fucked roommates!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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