I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
