I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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